Why the E! Network blows, and more.

I have a confession to make. I watched the E! channel this past Sunday, which somebody told me was also the anniversary of some Jewish guy coming back to life, kinda like in a George Romero film. I was also told that, rather unlike a George Romero film, said Jewish guy did not then attempt to eat a house full of people. Well, nobodys perfect.

But back to the lecture at hand. As the title of this post indicates, the E! Network is really adept at sucking gargantuan amounts of cock. For 5 fucking hours E! aired the entire 101 EVEN BIGGER Celebrity Oops! This show consits of j-list "celebrities" whose names you cant even google talking about that one time Paris Hilton pissed all over Nicole Ritchie after going on a three day bender with Courtney Love, Tom Sizemore and his strawberry bag. Tres embarrasing!

Following that countdown show with a show even remotely as sucky is pretty much impossible, right? Wrong. The next hour of programming was a very special episode of THS (thats True Hollywood Story for anyone with a life) dedicated to Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards. What the fuck is that shit? About halfway through the show, just before I blacked out, the vapid Richard Roeper had this to say about Chaz's turn in Ferris Bueller's Day Off: "He gave a wonderful performance." Huh? I want large quantities of whatever Roeper is smoking, because that motherfucker is off his rocker. You cannot give a "wonderful performance" in 45 seconds. It just is not possible. At all. Unless you're talking about sex.

At this point the amount of cock the E! channel sucks is measured by the ton. Surely it can't get any worse. Or can it? Magically, I regained consciousness just in time for the next show E! had to offer: an hour long Talk Soup retrospective folllowed by a half an hour of The Soup. Completely horrible; that Joel McHale ass-clown deserves to die. Absolutely no sense of comedic timing, or comedy at all for that matter. However, I did get to see Aisha Taylor for, like, ten minutes. That made me happy.

OK, enough about E! blowing, I need to get to the and more. Bob Balaban is the and more.


Bob Balaban is one of the best character actors of our time. You know him from Best In Show, Waiting For Guffman, every other Christopher Guest movie, Close Encounters of the 3rd Kind, etc. Mr. Balaban actually made his debut in Midnight Cowboy, which I had not seen until yesterday. He plays a homosexual who solicits Jon Voight. They go to an all-night movie theatre, where Bob cuddles with Jon as they watch the movie. And then he proceeds to give ol' Jonnie a blow job. Yeah. Now I can't watch Ghost World without getting a mental image of Thora Borch's dad getting a mouthful Joe Buck's cock. Fuck.

P.S. Sorry for the cock-centric post.