And they call it...

It is generally accepted that the first six months of any substantial relationship between a man and woman is the puppy love period, where both parties are just so damn head-over-heels smitten with each other that most major problems (i.e. their partner is completely fucking psycho and cannot function without being up their significant other's ass all day) go unnoticed. I love you's are tossed back and forth with complete disregard of any consequences that go along with those magic words. Women are genetically predisposed to saying I love you roughly42.6 hours into a relationship because they think they mean it; guys say it to have sex and not get yelled at.

Sooner or later, the puppy love period comes to an end. While it is difficult to predict exactly how long puppy love will last for, it is guaranteed to end in when the couple get into a 30+ minute argument over absolutely nothing. Or so I thought.

The following is a rough transcription of a 37 minute cell phone "conversation" between just such a couple that I was forced to endure last night. This "conversation" started in a Burger King drive thru at 10:15 pm.

10.15 dudeiknow: hey babe
10.15 crazy20yroldgrl: Hi! what are you doing?
10.16 dudeiknow: getting food and then probably hanging out with friends A,B, and C.
10.16 crazy20yroldgrl: I wanted to see you tonight. when will you be home?
10.17 dudeiknow: I dont know. I didnt drive. I would guess 12.30 or so.
10.17 crazy20yroldgrl: but i get out from work at 11! I need to see you. Why do you do this to me?
10.18 dudeiknow: well i dont know when ill be home, why dont i call you later?
10.19 crazy20yroldgrl: (5 minutes of extended bitching, crying, and yelling) You never talk to me. Why dont you ever want to talk? I need to see you!
10.27 dudeiknow: fine ill talk to you. its 10.27, im in the drive thru at burger king. Shut up friend B. Huh? No, everyone is looking at me and making fun of me.
10.27 Friend B: dont tell her i said that man.
10.28 dudeiknow: sorry dude.
10.28 crazy20yroldgrl: WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?
10.29 dudeiknow: Im not yelling. Im explaining to you that you dont get out until eleven. Go home and get cleaned up. If you want to see me at 12.30 come over. If not thats fine ill call you tomorrow. Stop acting so crazy.
10.31 crazy20yroldgrl: youre always out with your friends. you never see me.
10.31 dudeiknow: I told you when i got into this relationship that my music is the most important thing in my life. Im hanging out with my band tonight, Im a musician.
10.33 crazy20yroldgrl: Are you putting me second to the band?
10.34 dudeiknow: Babe, im not trying to put you first, last, or in the middle. Im a musician and music is my life. If you cant understand that then i dont know what to tell you. You are acting crazy!
10.36 crazy20yroldgrl: (7 minutes of crying, pouting, and shouting) But i had a bad day and i wanted to see you and 12.30 is sooo far away!
10.38 dudeiknow: youre not even out of work yet. go home, ill call you when i get home around 12.30 and if you want to see me then come over. If not ill see you tomorrow.
10.40 crazy20yroldgrl: WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?
10.41 dudeiknow: *sighs a lot* Im not, im explaining to you. Shut up friend A. NO, not you. Friend A was talking.
10.43-10.50: lots of bickering back and forth, friends A,B, and C crack jokes, finish eating BK and tell dudeiknow to hang up for the 7,492 time in 35 minutes.
10.51 dudeiknow: Friend C said it best, ill call you at 12.
10.52 Friend C: why did you have to say my name?
10.52 dudeiknow: alright, bye. *click*

20 minutes later crazy20yroldgrl sends dudeiknow this text message: sorry im crazy. call me later. i love you!

On the ride home later I recalled a conversation dudeiknow and I had earlier that day about his birthday a few days ago:

Me: So did you have lots of sex on your birthday?
DudeIKnow: Oh yeah.
Me: sweet!
DudeIKnow: I even got ass-to-mouth (where after anal sex the man "finishes up" in the girl's mouth). You know what that is dont you?
Me: Oh yeah.

Dudeiknow was dropped off at his house around 12.45 and promptly called crazy20yroldgrl, inviting her to spend the night. I can only imagine how much ass-to-mouth he got. Long live puppy love!