Fantastic Friday Film Fiesta!

Welcome to the debut edition of the Fantastic Friday Film Fiesta! Since my job duties are now limited to reading the entire internet and drinking massive amounts of coffee whose strength vascillates between roofing tar (good) and colored hot water (bad), I have taken it upon myself to give a little love to some movies that you may or may not have seen. Every opinion I espouse in this article is 100% correct and should be taken as gospel, so basically if you do happen to disagree with me you will be damning yourself to an eternity of cold coffee and Two and a Half Men reruns in the fiery pits of hell. Heretic. And not that gospel of Judas bullshit either; I'm talking about the straight up O.G. stuff.

Anyhoo, now that that nasty business is out of the way I can get down to brass tacks. Since this is the grand opening of the Fabulously Fantastic Friday Film Fiesta! I wanted to spotlight a movie that is indeed grand. Grand Guignol that is! This movie has been described as shocking, brutal, foul, revolutionary, the one that goes all the way, gruesome, etc. You might be asking yourself, "What movie could be described as such?" Lets see...



Ah yes, Cannibal Holocaust. Without a doubt the most controversial film of all time, as evidenced by its being banned in over 60 countries. Sixty! As there are 191 countries on all of Earth (192 if you count that shithole Vatican City), this means that roughly 31.4 percent of the world deemed Cannibal Holocaust too awesome to be seen. It also proves that only Philistines get to rule countries. Whatever.

Released in 1980 at the tail end of the cannibal exploitaion phase of grindhouse cinema, Cannibal Holocaust caused an immediate furor that has not died down some 26 years later. Basically, director Ruggero Deodato took all of the blood, sex, and violence of his 1977 effort Ultimo Mondo Cannibale (a.k.a Jungle Holocaust) and turned it up to eleven, a la Nigel Tufnel. The result is nothing short of amazing.

You might have already guessed it, but Cannibal Holocaust's plot is pretty straightforward. The first half of the movie sees professor Harold Monroe (played by none other than Debbie Does Dallas star Robert Kerman) sent deep into the jungles of Brazil by a T.V. company in order to find a missing team of documentary filmmakers. He agrees, makes the journey, finds out they are dead, and manages to bring home some of their film cannisters (but not before seeing some truly fucked up shit along the way). The second half of the film has professor Monroe screening the footage with the t.v. execs who want to air everything the documentary team filmed. That is not a very good idea. The execs watch the footage, exchange some disapproving glances, and obviously end up not airing what they just saw. (Throughout the film there is a post-Vietnam what the fuck are we doing here messing with the natives undercurrent. In fact the last line of the film is "I wonder who the real cannibals are?". However, its clear that Deodato put it in there just to say "Hey man, my movie has a point to make. The violence is necessary to show what happens when bloodthirsty WASPs try to impose their values on supposedly inferior cultures blah blah blah." In reality, he just wanted to make a crazy ass gross-out cannibal movie.)

Doesn't sound very controversial, does it? Well, it is, and for two reasons. First of all, Cannibal Holocaust isnt just grand guignol, but also an example of cinema verite. Advertised as a true story featuring "found" footage of the murders of four documentary filmmakers, Deodato went so far as to have the actors go into hiding after filming. Many moviegoers thought what they saw was real, and the ensuing shit storm got so bad that Deodato had to bring the actors with him during t.v. interviews to prove they were not eaten by jungle cannibals.

Sound familiar? The same advertising technique and plot gimmick was used (read ripped off) by the Blair Witch guys 19 years later, and to great success. In fact, there should be some disclaimer before The Blair Witch Project that thanks Deodato for being creative so that Daniel Myrick and Eduardo Sanchez didnt have to. They suck.

I've mentioned repeatedly that Cannibal Holocaust is shocking and bloody, but just how shocking and bloody is it? Glad you asked. Here is a brief list of Holocaust's "highlights":

• A coatimundi is killed and flayed (real)
• A turtle is killed and then diced, chopped, and sawed (real)
• A spider and snake are chopped with a machete (real)
• A cute little monkey gets his head chopped in half and his brains eaten (real)
• A pig is killed by one of the documentarians (real)
• A tribeswoman is raped by a large phallic stone and then beaten to death (fake)
• Another tribeswoman is impaled (see above poster) (fake)
• Yet another tribeswoman if forced to abort her child (fake)
• Said baby is then buried in the mud (fake)
• A large group of indiginous people are rounded up and burned alive in a large hut (fake)
  
• Numerous others are captured, killed, cooked, and eaten in a variety of ways (all fake)

That's quite a list if you ask me. In fact, the animal killings were what got the film banned in many countries, including Italy where Deodato was arrested and put on trial for animal cruelty. According to Deodato, all of the animals killed during filming were eaten by the natives, and it was this argument that helped him avoid jail time.

The special effects work is amazing. Bodies are beaten, sawed, tenderized with giant hammers, shot, stabbed, and burned. One man even has his penis eaten straight off of his body in a quite realistic fashion. Deodato and his special effects team pull no punches, and the human violence is so realistic that the movie was also banned in many countries for being an actaul snuff film!

Cannibal Holocaust is many things. It is a violent and bloody film that does go all the way. Its an assault on your senses. Its a movie that clearly aims to shock. Its polarizing; just check out some of the reviews. But first and foremost, IT KICKS ASS!